12 Tips For Introverted HSPs To Be Confident At Any Party (No Alcohol Required)
I have a confession to make.
I don’t drink at parties anymore.
It started a few years ago when a single drink turned me into a ghost in the corner.
That was the exact opposite of the effect I was going for.
But without alcohol, I was walking into a party naked. I had to rely on my social skills alone, which were never a solid bet.
With no alcohol clouding my powers of observation, I learned a few things about how to survive and even have fun at a party.
As an introverted Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), you need to approach going to a party like running a marathon. You wouldn’t go into a 26-mile race without a solid plan to make it through. The same is true for an introverted HSP going to a party.
Here you’ll learn how:
Advance preparation is essential.
At the 11th hour, you’ll probably regret signing on. But you can overcome your doubts to get to the starting line.
You can navigate the test of endurance like a pro.
The following 12 steps will get you across the finish line when the shrimp cocktail is gone.
Preparing to go the distance
1.Rest and then rest some more. Leave white space in your calendar leading up to the party. And especially the day of. Make it a low-key day. Do activities you enjoy that refill your coffers. Hang with the dog. Read a good book.
2. Choose a mantra. Decide how you want to feel at the party and choose a word that reminds you of that feeling. My mantra at last year’s office holiday party was “playful”. Playful is light, silly and goofy, and creative. The opposite of stressed. Your mantra focuses your attention so you see opportunities to live it out.
3. Eat before you go. Hangry is a bad way to go into any new situation. If I have low blood sugar, a lot of noise makes me jumpy, impatient and quiet. Everything feels like a bigger effort.
4. Prepare conversation starters. Think of what you know about your host. Their partner, kids, hobbies, interests, and work. Come up with three go-to conversation topics. In a pinch, be prepared to default to complimenting their home and asking how long they’ve lived there. This is an easy launching pad for tons of other follow-up questions. Like “where did you grow up?” and “how did you and your partner meet?”
The 11th hour regrets
5. You’ll want to bail at the last minute. A few hours before is when I do the “no one will mind if I don’t show” rationalizing. It’s time to remember why you said “yes”. You care about your friend or the cause. Or you want to expand your social circle. Tell yourself you only have to stay for 30 minutes. You can do anything for 30 minutes. And once you get there, you may find you want to stay longer.
Hitting the pavement
6. If you’re going alone, arrive on time. An emptier room is easier to break into than a packed one. You’ll have more one-on-one time with your host and they’ll introduce you to people as they come in. You can offer to help with last minute tasks, which will keep you busy.
7. Give a strong hello to the host when you arrive. Go right over to the hostess and greet them when you first walk in. I’ve spent too many parties feeling like a party crasher because I didn’t do this. It relieves you from sitting in the wings waiting to cut in. And sets the tone for being included, since they’ll introduce you to other people.
8. Take a seat. Sitting is more grounding and promotes deeper conversation. And you only need to talk to the people on either side of you, which is less overwhelming. Standing conversations are faster paced, with loud boisterous storytelling and hurling fast jokes. Not my forte, since I always think of what I want to say once the conversation switches topics.
9. Help other introverts relax. You may be certain you’re the most uncomfortable person at a party. But chances are you’re not. Look around for people hanging back and strike up a conversation. You’ll find someone else who wants to have a deeper conversation. And the party will improve for both of you.
10. Enjoy not drinking. As a sensitive person, I don’t love how alcohol makes me feel in real time or the next day. But when other people are buzzing, it gives me permission to loosen up too. When they’re drinking, I know they’re not concerned with me and what I’m saying and doing. The more they drink, the more entertaining it is for me. It’s my chance to be mischievous, poke fun and be playful.
11. Smiling and listening makes you likable. Everyone loves to be heard. And most of the world is extroverts who love to talk. If you’re good at listening, you’re a perfect match. To be likable, all you need to do is smile, nod, listen, and show you’re interested by asking follow-up questions. You’ll leave a good lasting impression.
Crossing the finish line - make your exit
12.Don’t be a ghoster. I’ve been known to evaporate out the back door without saying goodbye. I always feel bad about it later. So now I take my leave when I’m on a high note and still have the energy to say “see ya” and “thank you”. Find the host, give them a quick hug and say goodbye.
You’ve done it! It’s time to take a victory lap. Now you can go home and crash, rest and relax. Give yourself permission to lie low tomorrow to recharge.
The truth about parties
Just like running a marathon, no one is keeping score on your party performance but you.
Give yourself permission to do it your way. Rest up and prepare. Get your mantra and talk yourself through your 11th hour jitters. Show up and stay grounded, smile and bring your curiosity.
Quit comparing yourself to the loud storytelling jokester in the center of the room. There’s space for all kinds of runners at this race.
Your turn - Leave a comment
What’s one thing you’re taking from this post? How will it change how you attend a party? Be specific. Your comment may help someone else.