How I Went From Burned-out, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) to a Life I Never Dared Dream Of

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Before I started listening to the call of my heart and writing. Before I got a job that gave me energy for life after 5:00 p.m. Before I met a partner who is my favorite person. Before I moved into a house that’s my refuge. Before I learned to live my days with solid energy and inner calm…

I was lost. Constantly trying to prove to everyone else and myself that I wasn’t too sensitive.

I was slowly dying at my job.
Irritated and overwhelmed by simple tasks like grocery shopping.
Disconnected from my emotions.
In the wrong marriage.
Wondering what was wrong with me.
And scared I would never be happy.

I didn’t have an easy transition into adulting.

With a graduate degree in social work, I was a professional helper, supporting individuals and families to rebuild their lives, but I was still evolving myself. I didn’t understand what it meant to be a highly sensitive person (HSP), and how to cultivate a life that served my unique needs.

My 20s and 30s were rough.

I didn’t slide gracefully into adulting after graduate school.

All my life, I’d heard I was too sensitive. So I pushed myself hard at work to prove I could do it. At the end of the day, I collapsed in front of the television. Alone. With a bag of Skittles.

I had bad dreams about my work and a recurrent nightmare someone was trying to break in my bedroom window.

I was filled with self-doubt at work and personally.

I couldn’t keep up with my friends who had plenty of energy to socialize. I dodged their phone calls, too tired to pick up the phone.

I wanted to date, and here and there I’d try online dating. I’d go on a few blind dates, get burned out and then pull down my profile.

Every so often, I met someone I wanted to spend time with and got emotionally attached too fast, ending with heartbreak.

And then my dear dad became very sick and passed away a short time later. I knew I needed to make a change. I switched to a job that was less taxing. But added a layer of armor to my heart. I decided that, when it came to love, I would make decisions with my head.

I started seeing a therapist, meditating and running. I quit eating sugar and enrolled in a Holistic Health Coach training course. These things helped with my stress, energy and stamina.

From my health coach training, I learned about the traits of highly sensitive people and read Elaine Aron’s groundbreaking book on the subject. A light bulb went off. But I still couldn’t see that I was buffering against feeling any emotions that made me seem weak or dramatic. The truth is, I didn’t know what I felt anymore.

A few years later, I met a nice guy at work and we got married. I made the decision with my head, not my heart. And it wasn’t right. Therapy helped me acknowledge what my gut already knew. This was the wrong relationship. Soon after, I ended it.

This was my turning point. I couldn’t live this half-life, ignoring my feelings. I wanted a relationship that was the real deal.

You can’t find happiness when there’s a protective wall around your heart.

I came out of my divorce invigorated by having the guts to take action on behalf of my own well-being.

I knew that my sensitivity, paired with my intuition, was a powerful tool for identifying what was right for my life.

Since owning my sensitivity, my life did a complete 180.

When I met my husband, Adam, I didn’t have to sacrifice any of my sensitive self to be with him. And my heart was completely on board. We live in a home nestled next to the Blue Ridge Mountains. I have a job that leaves me with energy leftover at the end of the day. And I am writing, a calling that I ignored for a long time. All of this has been made possible since restoring my peace of mind by nurturing my gut microbiome.

I’ve learned how to honor my highly sensitive temperament and embrace the gifts of it.

Can I help you do the same?

My greatest mission is to help people like you—and me—to create a happy life by leaning into the power of having senses that are fully alive.

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More about me

Hi! I’m Marya Choby, the founder of Happy Highly Sensitive Life. I live in Charlottesville, Virginia with my husband, Adam and our two dogs, Bentley and Zuzu. I’m an INFP, a Manifesting Generator according to Human Design, an Enneagram 4 (5 Wing), a dark chocolate lover, a careful optimist and a podcast addict.

As a Coach, here’s a summary of my relevant coach training and experience:

1996 Bachelor of Science, Human Development and Family Studies
1998 Master of Social Work
2006 Graduate of Health Coaching Training Program, Institute for Integrative Nutrition
2009 Completed Professional Coaching Foundations and Relationship Coaching for Singles, Relationship Coach Institute
2009 - 2012 Worked as a full-time Academic Coach at a local university
2011 Completed Foundations Coach Training, Mentor Coach
2014 - 2015 Worked as a full-time Career Coach at a local community college
2019 Completed Science of Happiness Course, UC Berkeley, Greater Good Science Center

My approach weaves together Positive Psychology, a strengths-based perspective and the power of adopting deep self-care practices to build holistic wellness. I designed this space to share what I’ve learned and to help other HSPs discover a happy highly sensitive life.

Have questions, comments or want to say hi, please contact me here.

Marya Choby, MSW, CHCOctober 17, 2019Highly sensitive