An Easy Way To Fall Back In Love With Your Work
Your spark for your work has evaporated.
In the beginning, your workdays felt fresh and flew by.
You were captivated once you settled in with a hot cup of coffee and started crafting the presentation that would take you one step closer to hitting your fundraising goal. You were charmed even with the hassles of a long commute and a never ending to-do list.
But today, you don’t get the familiar rush of butterflies. You’ve traveled this road many times and you’re afraid wash, rinse and repeat is all there is.
Will you feel this way for the rest of your life?
You rack your brain to pinpoint what’s missing. Maybe you’ve outgrown your position or need more flexibility and autonomy. Perhaps you need to travel less and supervise and manage more. You're wondering if it could be time for a career switch to pursue your dream of changing the lives of kids and families in your community.
You’ve started a running tally of what’s wrong, but now all you can focus on is what’s bad about your day. You feel more lost. And you still don’t know what to do about it.
How do you rediscover the good side of your work?
The answer: Use a science backed strategy that will put your heart back in your work.
Yes, you can improve your work satisfaction without quitting. Your best days at the office are still ahead of you.
Let’s talk about how to resuscitate your work, the science behind the strategy, and why this works.
THE SHIFT THAT WILL PUT YOUR HEART BACK IN YOUR WORK
I knew something was wrong.
I felt no emotional pull for my position. Every day was ho hum, responding to emails, writing reports and attending meetings.
Looking back, I can see it started because of my need to control my day. I was setting too many boundaries and being too cautious about raising my hand to help with extra tasks because, who has time for that?
I was losing my openness and sweetness, qualities I cherished about myself.
As a kid, being helpful made me walk a few inches taller. I loved it when my dad asked me to run to the old brown basement fridge to grab a beer for him. It’s my earliest memory of being helpful and gave me a defining sense of purpose. It’s not like I was hosting the peace talks, but I loved making him smile. Later on in high school, I volunteered in a homeless shelter and was hooked. Soon enough, it led me to a full-time career as a professional helper.
Many years later, looking for a new challenge, I accepted an administrative role and helping became secondary. The tenor of my day changed and the emotional connection to my work was harder to find.
That’s why I didn’t expect to get much out of doing the 3 Good Things Activity that I wrote about in my last post. I thought I’d jot down a few things and experience a little lift from remembering the good moments.
Instead, I rediscovered a lost part of myself. As I sorted through the chicken scratch notes about the best parts of my workday, words like “I helped”, “I listened”, and “I encouraged” dominated my list.
My sweetness was ready to have a voice again. The part that I loved about my wide grinning helpful younger self was ready to make a come back.
When I focused on what I could give, rather than what I needed, I felt more alive at work again.
Why do we feel so good when we help others? Let’s look at the research.
THE SCIENTIFIC REASON THAT GIVING IMPROVES YOUR OWN LIFE
My junior year of high school, I boarded a bus with my classmates to a homeless shelter in Old Town Alexandria, Virginia, to serve giant pans of lasagna. The experience left an indelible mark and my heart expanded for the people whose plates I filled.
My outpouring of compassion was linked to a bundle of nerves at the top of the spinal column. It’s known as the vagus nerve or the love nerve. And it’s the spot that activates when you feel empathetic and motivated to help someone in need.
When I rode the bus home that night, I’d had a transformational experience. I ended the night with more perspective and hope for my own life.
Why is it that our lives improve when we help others?
There’s a scientific reason for this secondary effect.
When you help, you activate your own physiology of courage, hope, and resilience, which helps you better navigate your own challenges.
I’m sure you’ve had the experience of feeling closer to a friend when you talk about her new pressures at the office or her kid’s health scare. An oxytocin surge intensifies your bond and gives you a flood of empathy. The fear centers of the brain are inhibited and you feel stronger.
When you listen to her talk about what’s wrong, a rush of dopamine further reduces your fear response, increasing optimism and giving you courage. It activates your own resilience.
As you help her think through solutions, a release of serotonin assists you with problem solving. You become more attuned, perceptive and strategic.
Thanks to this trio of neurotransmitters, when you help a co-worker survive a new challenging assignment, plan a big event, or make sense of a change to the workflow, you have your own profound physiological shift towards resilience.
WHY IT WORKS TO FOCUS ON HELPING
When you help, the benefits go beyond tapping into your own resilience. Showing you care strengthens your relationships with colleagues. Strong connections make you happier, more committed to your work, and more productive.
When I became a helper at work, several things happened.
As the research says, I was more centered and resilient. My daily stressors were more manageable. I felt closer to my co-workers and more empathetic. I wanted to make it a priority to help out with complicated work situations and released my need to control my schedule. My relationships became sustenance for my day and deepened my connection to my workplace. I built valuable relationship capital and I couldn’t imagine looking for a new job.
I developed a greater sense of purpose and meaning in my administrative job. Helping gave me a way to be a part of something bigger, redefining my role, seeing myself as sense maker and a champion for my co-worker’s success.
Putting your energy into helping may be the secret to finding happiness in any job.
BECOME A HELPER TO LOVE YOUR JOB AGAIN
If you’ve lost the passion for your job at mid-life, it’s hard to imagine living the rest of your workdays feeling numb. As it is, you’ll spend on average 90,000 hours of your life at work.
Yes, you deserve better and you don’t have to quit your job to get it.
Start looking for ways to help today. Start small by offering to help clean up after an event or to show a new co-worker around. Say “yes” to whatever grabs your heart and see how your workday improves.
Your Turn
Do you volunteer for odd jobs at the office or always bring a surprise treat to the monthly staff meeting? How has helping changed your day?
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