5 Undeniable Reasons Work Friends Propel You To Your Best
Do you ever worry that no one will show up to your funeral?
Every now and then, the thought shows up as a nagging whisper. Egging me to pick up the phone and invite friends over for cocktail hour. I rarely submit. Tossing the guilt aside in favor of the promise of a night of freedom to breeze through my evening hours unencumbered. I’m an expert at navigating an evening of solitude.
In my previous job, I yearned for the sweet sound of quiet when back-to-back counseling sessions left me depleted from hours of careful listening.
During the workday, I did what it took to replenish my energy and get through the last few hours of student sessions. I polished off my salad with my office door pulled shut and my eyes closed.
This solitude saved me. But when I looked around at my shrinking personal life, it dawned on me that I needed to make a job change. To find a position that gave me more energy for living my life.
When I landed at my current administrative job, I relished the stretches of quiet time working at my desk. For the first time, my work left me with energy to say "yes" to lunch invitations and to crack jokes in the hallway with my colleagues.
laptop and notebook
But I was hesitant. I wondered if pursuing office friendships would be frowned upon.
Why We're Eating Lunch Alone
Worries of slacking off and the appearance of wasting time crept in as I Iingered over a Monday morning recap of my co-worker’s weekend.
Is this why only 2 out of 10 employees say they have a best friend at work, according to Gallup?
We’ve been taught to think we can’t mix our professional and personal lives. We fear we’ll be perceived as unprofessional, or be judged if we reveal too much. So we just don’t go there.
During my 23 years of work, work friendships don't happen for three other reasons.
First, there aren’t people nearby to connect with. In my experience, sitting close enough to pop by with a quick question sets the wheels in motion. Co-existing side-by-side creates a psychological pull to socialize. If you’re a stone’s throw away, it’s much easier to walk to the coffee cart together to grab a coffee. Easy low-risk social encounters build the foundation for meaningful conversation later on.
Second, the boundaries for initiating friendships are even trickier to navigate if you’re alone in an upper management position. Becoming confidants with people you manage isn’t an option. If there aren’t a ton of people in parallel positions, it requires extra effort to find them. If you don’t naturally cross paths every day, those friendships grow at a glacial pace.
Third, if your day is all go, you don’t have time to slow down and pick up passengers. There aren’t enough hours in the day and making friends becomes lower priority.
For me, I had little extra fuel to make a significant effort beyond working collaboratively on shared projects. But all that changed with my new desk job.
Investing in friendships at work was like moving out of a cubicle into a sun filled office with a window. It gave me a total workday upgrade.
The experts agree it’s a plus. Having a best friend at work makes you 7 times as likely to be engaged with your job. You’re more productive and perform better, says Gallup.
We spend so many hours at work, we want our jobs to be more than just a paycheck. Two-thirds of women say socialization is a major reason they work, according to Gallup. We want to bring our whole selves to work. And more studies show that building a workplace where caring is central to the culture creates a stronger bottom line.
Want to know five more reasons work friendships are worth investing in?
The 5 Super Compelling Reasons Work Friends Boost Your Happiness And Performance
Remember how big your brave is.Friends at work provide a psychological safety net for taking chances and imagining something bigger for yourself. You’ll feel bolder to step out of your comfort zone, to lead a new initiative, or to get a new skill for the office. Choose friends who inspire you to see what’s possible and who believe the workplace is a safe place to explore and try new things.
Be seen and stay grounded.A compliment from a girlfriend about your new bob says “I see you”. It’s a bid for connection and in the context of a friendship, it says “I like you and I care about you”. It’s grounding to know you’ve got people tuned in to what’s going on with you. You give each other the benefit of the doubt, are more empathetic in stressful times and more likely to lend a hand.
Cut through the clutter.In a workplace that’s constantly restructuring workflow and systems, connecting with a wise friend can give you a new perspective about how to navigate the changes. Being in it together, you can act as a resource for one another. You can think through approaches and options and egg each other on to see the opportunities rather than the downsides. With insightful friends around you, you’re less likely to look for a new job when uncertainty hits your workplace.
Restore your soul.One stressful day, a friend and I copped to the weird things we bought when we were on edge. With tears of laughter running our mascara, we agreed the internet makes it far too easy to make bad shopping decisions. Talking playfully with personal disclosure creates intimacy and lights us up more than banter about current events, sports or movies. It’s as good as a cocktail for releasing a flood of feel good endorphins. And it gives a little distance from work, creating time to breathe deeper and discover overlooked solutions.
Feel good to do good.I light up if you talk to me about anything from my alma mater, to nutrition and cooking, or writing. A fun friendship with shared interests creates chemistry, making you ride a little higher. The research shows the better you feel, the better the quality of your work. An animated conversation calms your nerves and taps into your creative brain, which makes fertile ground for doing your best work.
If you’re flatlining at work, pull up a chair and invest more time in the people around you.
Friendships give you relationship capital. People want to work side-by-side with pleasant colleagues. Being well liked and respected for your caring, wisdom, perspective, and helpfulness opens the door to new opportunities and gives job security.
And you’re more likely to want to stay where you are when you’ve got friendly faces by your side.
For me, life is no longer all about recovering from my workday. And I fret a little less about whether my social habits today, will fill a room in the end.
YOUR TURN
Do you ever worry that no one will show up to your funeral? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve purchased when you were stressed? I want to know.