How To Stop Overthinking and Take Action as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSPs)

This post contains stories about infertility and pregnancy loss and may be emotionally triggering.

I’m staring at blog pictures of a mother holding her young adopted daughter. 

A pile of paperwork and careful orchestration brought them together. But the adoption was more than a transaction. It was a sacred pact. Souls bound by the order of a spiritual tribunal with the promise to live, love and grow together as a family.

There’s destiny there. Just like there was a mystical force, an invisible hand pushing Adam to move to Charlottesville. His move allowed us to meet a little over a year later, bringing us together in a great Amen.

So there I was. Looking at a blog I hadn’t been to in a long time.

And there she was, telling her story of starting a family through adoption. I devoured post after post imagining Adam and I in the pages of that story.

Filled with longing and so much hope, I knew we could build a family this way. Shared DNA is not a prerequisite for loving each other.

But there were doubts. Can sensitive people like me handle the rawness of adoption? 

I’m more softness than steel and I had big questions.

Could I handle the simultaneous joy and sadness of the moment we become parents? When we meet our baby, the birth mother’s heart is breaking.

Can we handle open adoption?

And little questions.

Will they allow us to adopt at our age?

How will I make it through the sleep deprivation and the noisiness?

The fear is leading me to procrastinate on picking up the phone to call adoption agencies.

Looking back, it’s also possible I was surprised we’d landed on this doorstep. When we first started trying for a family four years before, I didn’t think we’d be here.

FRIED EGGS

A biological child seemed less likely with each period. My ovulation app showed I’d tracked 50 cycles since October 2015. We’d done Clomid. And had a glimpse of hope in August 2016 with a positive pregnancy test that ended with an empty gestational sac at six weeks. 

When we started fertility injections, my body didn’t respond by creating more eggs. We went home with the news that I had as much of a chance of getting pregnant naturally as with fertility treatments. 

My plummeting reproductive abilities were hard to deny. My heart couldn’t handle the disappointment anymore. So I locked my desire to be a mom in the back of my mind. Bringing it out from time to time to process in monthly therapy sessions.

And now, I wondered, could I open my heart, take risks, and be as brave as adoption required? 

SENSITIVE PEOPLE ARE COMPASSIONATE AND COURAGEOUS

As a sensitive person, I have finely tuned emotional antenna and, if I'm not mindful, I soak up all the feelings of people around me.

I'm an empath who works to stay centered. I avoid TV shows with lots of arguing, dogs that growl at me, and shopping in busy malls on Christmas Eve. 

I've always thought of myself as wimpy.

But then I learned something that changed how I think about how courageous I am as a sensitive person.

Researching an article about how helping other people increases happiness, I stumbled upon info about the vagus nerve. 

It’s a bundle of nerves at the top of the spinal column that's responsible for compassion. When you experience a rush of empathy and a desire to help, a burst of the courage hormone, dopamine, is also released. 

The vagus nerve is intimately connected to anxiety and courage and there's more for me to learn. But until this moment, it never occurred to me to challenge my assumption that I lacked bravery. 

Taking a closer look, my work in human services years before required risk-taking. I was trained in crisis intervention and de-escalation for a reason. 

I could see that I had a history of standing in the fire and mindfully acting with guts.

Rethinking my identity as a person of courage gave me the permission I needed to move forward. 

TAKING A REAL FIRST STEP

It was time to pick up the phone. Not my favorite thing to do as a sensitive person. 

The nudge I needed came from a random text from my neighbor recommending The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. 

I spent the weekend listening on Audible. 

The 5 Second Rule is this. When you get a gut instinct to act, count 5-4-3-2-1 and GO. Do the hard thing. No analyzing the options. If you wait to feel like doing it, you never will. You will enter mental jail, lose the argument with yourself and stay right where you are. 

By taking action, you rev up your prefrontal cortex, the planning part of the brain. Keep mindfully taking action and you'll feel more in control of your life and have less anxiety and depression.  

It sounds simple, but for an overthinker like me, it’s the push I need.

Monday morning, I started the Wake Up Challenge that I covered in my last post about my morning routine. That same day I used the 5 Second Rule to contact 4 adoption agencies. 

Here’s what I learned.

First, taking real action stops you from worrying for nothing. 

I was sure we were too old to adopt. Turns out, some agencies have an age limit. Others don’t. Many adoptive couples turn to adoption in their 40s after they’ve exhausted fertility treatments and have grieved the loss of having a biological child.

What a relief.

Second, taking action helps you see how you feel. 

Talking to adoption agencies, I felt myself expand and get excited. Adopting was more than just a whim. I wanted to continue exploring this. My excitement was bigger than my fear and forward momentum was easier to tap into. 

Third, taking action surrounds you with people who become your advocates, teachers, models and mentors. 

This means strength in numbers. And more courage.

OVERCOMING OVERTHINKING

As a sensitive person who is a classic overthinker, overanalysis paralysis feels like an insurance policy. A way to outsmart risk. 

But the longer you stay immobilized, the harder it is to get moving. The 5 Second Rule is the way to mindfully break the pattern. 

Sensitive people are infinitely braver than they think.

If this is you, when your gut says GO, it's time to take action on what you've been avoiding. I promise you, you were made for this moment.

YOUR TURN

I would love to hear from you!

Does overthinking keep you from taking action?

What’s one insight you’re taking from this article that helps you moving forward? 

Leave a comment below and be specific. Your comment may help another reader have a breakthrough.