For Women Who Want To Stop Worrying, From Someone Who’s Been There
This fall, Adam waited to hear if his company would stay open with a new owner or shut down completely.
We spent the month of October wondering what would happen. A few days before our vacation the answer came.
It would close.
His health insurance would stop at the end of the month. And his last paycheck would come at the beginning of December.
He was worried. I never was. I always knew it would be okay.
In my gut. I just knew.
I stood back and watched myself be calm about it right before the holidays, with no severance package coming and a relatively new home mortgage.
I was supportive and not frantic, which if you’ve ever seen me trying to get out the door with Adam to make it somewhere important on time, you would know I can spiral.
Having emergency savings definitely helped take the edge off the news. But I didn’t run through worst-case scenarios like I normally would. I didn’t wonder what would happen if we ran out of savings or if I lost my job, too.
I never expected to even reach for our savings. I knew everything would be fine.
This calm approach was new for me.
As a Highly Sensitive Person, I’m a champion over-worrier.
My default mindset for most of my life has been what I call a scarcity complex. Created based on the belief that there would never be enough.
It’s the reason I save money religiously, love a good sale, and hate buffets because I’m too anxious they’ll run out of food before I get my turn.
For most of my life I’ve flirted with an alternate mindset, which is that everything will always be fine.
But this year a mixture of things finally took it to the next level:
Doubling down on personal growth. I’ve finally stopped feeling like a little kid in an adult world. I’ve released the feeling of vulnerability and lack of voice and power that I adopted as a child. I am competent. I have a point of view and a right to share it.
Expanding self-trust. I’ve learned to listen to my intuition to figure out the right path. We bought our home because I had a strong gut feeling we should live here. Our expenses tripled but we knew we could handle it. I feel even more abundant since moving in, even though we're shelling out much more money every month. On the flip side, I've learned to stop moving forward when something doesn't feel like a fit. I don't force it anymore. The experience with listening to my gut over and over gave me confidence when Adam lost his job. I knew I could trust my intuition that all would be fine.
Creativity. Taking the big leap and following my heart by writing and blogging occupies my mind in a way that stops random worrying. Building something with my own two hands is empowering and absorbing.
Avoiding gloom and doom. I stopped listening to the news. I quit watching TV that’s full of fighting and drama. I can feel myself absorb the negativity and anxiety. Real Housewives, Vanderpump Rules, and This Is Us all got the boot this year.
I finally get that it’ll all work out. I’ll always have what I need.
Cultivating this attitude isn’t just a Pollyanna “look on the bright side of life” practice.
It’s a skill to train the brain to stop and notice when it’s feeling threatened. And to consciously re-evaluate and look for the signs that all is well.
This is the mind shift that resiliency is made of.
It lands us in the center of hope, faith, receptivity, and resourceful thinking.
All this time I’ve believed that being anxious would help me be more prepared for whatever is coming.
But it weakens my ability to land softly on flexed knees.
I’ve always known that relaxing into a fall is the key to keep from getting banged up. And now I really get it.
I’m glad I didn’t spend time worrying about Adam’s work. Before December, he was offered a job by a competitor, effective immediately. Great job, babe. I always had total faith.
Dear friend, if you struggle with worry, please know that a soft landing and inner peace is entirely possible. Below you'll find some of the resources that helped me connect with a greater feeling of wholeness.
Here are some personal growth resources that helped me make this shift:
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert (Book)
The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear And Take Life To The Next Level by Gay Hendricks (Book)
The Jess Lively Show Podcast A great podcast for learning to trust your intuition. From science to the woo-woo Law of Attraction. Season 4 and Episode 277 is a good place to start for hearing how she uses her intuition.
The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo. A great podcast for promoting personal growth. Start with Episode 204 about confronting mental discomfort.